Friday, August 2, 2024

It's My Life by Bon Jovi

 


This is one of my least favorite pop song tropes - The Empowerment Anthem (EA). Most EAs appeal to the listener to feel empowered, a trick which works by making the listener feel as though even famous musicians believe in them - so they must be worthy, thus HOORAY FOR ME! - for no other reason than that a pop star just gamed your fragile, gullible ego to fill their pockets. But not Jon Bon Jovi, whose EA is all about how great he is.

JBJ tells us in no uncertain terms that, like Frank Sinatra advised in an earlier terrible self-serving EA, he is doing it HIS WAY. He doesn't care what the haters think. So what if he is the musical equivalent of a romance novel cover, that is his true authentic self, and my friends, he is gonna let it shine.

The problem is that this is what his shine sounds like. It sounds contrived, toothless and catered toward people who don't really like rock music, but will make an exception for this shimmery hoo haw of a song. This is not selling out, this is celebrating having sold out a decade and a half ago, with no plan to ever do anything but sell out. This is music that only exists because it can turn a buck. Nobody would make this shit for free, and the only people who would listen to it intentionally are spoiled suburban preteens who unironically believe that their life is the most difficult ever lived.

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